i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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