my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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