I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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