made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
