Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
