We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
