Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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