i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dont even know how to be here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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