I have demons in me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
