i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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