Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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