Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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