Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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