Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
