thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
