No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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