The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
