I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
