I just threw up on my dentist
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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