I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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