he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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