So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
