Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
