my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
