Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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