he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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