my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
