the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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