Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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