You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Text me some of your sweat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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