How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
