I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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