No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
