we have officially lost it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
