I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
