omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
