I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
