Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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