PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
