He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
