no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
