No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
