Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
