ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The struggles of a small town man whore
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
