omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
