Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
