moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
