everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
