my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
