Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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