Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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