He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
