i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
