I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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