her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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