Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
